Today was alright. We're just half day so I'm home alone right now.

I think I'm having a relapse. I just hate feeling that sense of loneliness - that is my greatest weakness! I wonder if I have to go see a shrink... sometimes I think that I'm going crazy. The sad part is that no one can understand what I'm going thru. I've already eliminated all the things that I think that would contribute to what went thru before - so now I don't know what it is. Maybe it's hormonal.... there is this fear inside me that I can't seem to acknowledge and so I cry because it scares me.

I don't know how to take it like a man. I want to be who I was before... who am I? What has happened to me? I don't know anymore. What has changed so suddenly that my sense of self has faltered. I think it's when I started to doubt my own dream in life. It's sooo hard to pick up the pieces, but here I am hanging on for dear life. Trying bravely to face the world with a smile but that little girl inside my is cowering in the darkness that's surrounding her. I want so much to set her free, but I don't know how.

I cannot keep crying every time I feel the urge to... I cannot go home and cry my eyes out then keep up the facade. I just can't. It would be too tiring.

Once again... after writing this, I feel relieved! It's so therapeutic for me.