I feel like crap... I came from the most horrible interview today (it was quite an eye-opener for me) and suddenly I was overcome with intense sadness as I was standing on the corner of one makati's busy streets waiting for my sundo... It's one of those moments that you look around and see the people around you. How sad when you think about it that all these people have their own lives. Insignificant lives amongst the countless people in the world. I feel sad for all those who are on the sidewalk selling candies, cigarettes, etc and for all the people like them. Well, I feel bad for myself already because I can't see the point of my bane existence. Those people who are treated like crap by someone else when they are both human beings... I now truly understand what it means when someone says "This is a cruel world". Why did God create it so unfairly?

I was in the "Is this it?" kind of wavelength. It's found this state I'm in really really stupid. What if I get a job? I'll work... Get promoted... Get married... Get children... Be a successful careerwoman... Get grandchildren then die. I probably don't see what's so great about of what I've written because some people would be really really happy. I'll die anyway so why go through all that if I have the choice of not going through all that. Yes I want to be successful but why? Why should I be if I will die anyway. Maybe for me... but that me will not use or benefit from it anyway when I die. I frankly don't see it... I'm in a rut again! I gym, sleep, eat, sleep. That's my life. Maybe I should go back to med school. At least I'll be choosing the lesser evil.

I don't feel so bad about dieing... It will come, maybe sooner maybe later... Look at me... Thinking about death again. Anyone who reads this, if you do see me, don't bring this up. I have this feeling that when people read my blog (the few that do) will think I'm always on the "down"... Not really. It's just that I like to write when I'm on the downside because it makes me feel a lot better. The ups... I keep to myself and to whoever I share it with. May I remember to write whenever I feel happy.

I'm confusing myself. I don't understand what it's all about anymore.... Again, I'm being selfish.