Whenever I look at the photos of La Luz, I'm filled with sadness and happiness... sad that it will be a long time before that vacation repeats itself but at the same time happy that at least for a moment it happened. Its already summer break for me because clerkship starts this april and I want to make the most out of my vacation and spending time with Pao is in my list but Pao is going to Europe so I wont be able to spend anymore time with him before school starts. He's coming back pa after 3 months... So I guess thats it right?

Is it wrong for me to ask for someone to be here for me right now when there's a big change coming soon and I need someone to be there to hold my hand? Am I selfish for wanting him to be here? Yeah, I am selfish and inconsiderate but just right now... my friends say I'll be too busy once it starts anyway. That I wont even notice that his 2 years in Singapore are already up and he'll be back here soon. I told them that I dont know what the future is, maybe he'll change his mind, maybe he'll stay there longer or maybe not. Do I want to wait longer? We made it work for a year now... what's a year more right? Its not fun. Having a long distance relationship isnt fun at all. Its not easy... you only get by.

My shrink said that i should be whole even if my Pao isnt here. I always thought that I am whole. I have always considered myself that kind of person. What if I'm wrong? I mean, I handled it for a year! I'm still who I am. I hate feeling lonely! I hate it. Hate hate hate! What do I do? I dont know! Kill me now! (This is just an expression, didnt really mean it... hehe!)

Really... I should stop with this pa-victim crap!

"Pa-victim! Pa-victim!"