2 months ago...

Its been exactly 2 months since my last entry... I've had 3 evaluations, countless gimmicks with my friends, watched 1 movie, had 1 visit from pao from singapore and thought about our relationship a countless number of times.

You see the entry before this? Yeah, I still feel the same... even if i've been so busy with schoolwork, wardwork and exams, I still feel sad and lonely. I used to think how baduy it was when Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire said "I love you. You... complete me." Now I know what he meant... Haha!

I still feel that sometimes I dont know what the heck I'm doing. I dont know what to do! I truly am stuck in a rut. A friend said that why should I stay if most of the time I'm not happy. I told him, I dont which is more unbearable.... being with pao like this or being without him.

The saddest thing about it is that our lives are so different now. Its like I lost a whole chunk of what's going on with him now. When I think about him alone there, I get even sadder. I texted him the other night and asked him isn't he lonely?

he said "lonely is sitting in an empty floor on a weekend doing work."

then i asked, "why are you doing it?"

He never answered. Even if he didnt, I felt deep down inside that this was his thing... something he had to do for himself. I understand... I have my own thing to. If there's anything I learned from my "break down" in UST, its that you should do whatever you want to do because you might regret it in the end.

So, okay, he's chosen that path and I've chosen mine. I have a feeling that our paths weren't meant to cross right now or it was like we were on the same road but we hit a fork in the end... he chose to go the other way and I chose a different one.

Yeah, yeah, there's the net, there's the cellphone... technology wont allow me to say that we've really lost touch... but when you think about it, we have. Sometimes when I hear him or see him on the net, it just makes this even more real - that he's there in Singapore and I'm here in the Philippines. Don't console me by saying that it's just a 3+ hour flight coz the fact is, you're boyfriend is with you right now, living in the same city... mine is in a different country.

I'm mourning the fact that maybe just maybe, we really have chosen opposite paths. Oh well... 2 months has gone by and many more will pass... and I dont know what's out there for me... for him... for us.

Blech! So serious! I just want to go to a secluded beach and stay there forever - no troubles, no worries, no heartaches, no fear...