Arrrggghhh... I look like a hush puppy!!! (picture sad looking face with big, droopy eyebags) I can't stand this anymore! I can't sleep.

Applications for next school year in UST med are coming out this september. (because of my emotional breakdown, in some way, I have developed this sense of revulsion for the campus... which I know is totally unfair for the place) You know that feeling if you break up with someone and you don't want to visit all the old places you usually went to as a couple because it makes you sad... that's exactly how I feel in that campus. (except I didn't break up with someone per se, more like break up with a reverie)

And so, the countdown begins... Bri said God gave us all free will which is why He hasn't given me a sign yet. Maybe its true... He wants me to dig deep down and find out for myself what I really want in life. Its hard. I don't understand why I'm so pressured to think about it now. Why I have to think of what I'll be doing next year. I just want to think of NOW for a change. But I can't when everybody is making me look ahead. I think my brain is screaming stop.....

Maybe I should go back to med school... or maybe I should take up law instead. All my life, I've never thought of being a lawyer or anything else. Maybe I should take up law instead. Frankly, I don't know what they do in Law except the most obvious which is to study the law... It looks interesting. But my heart breaks a little everytime I think of the fact that my parents want me to be a doctor. They did tell me its okay to be something else but I'm an only child... So, its very hard when all your parents' hopes and dreams lie on you. I just want God to tell me what to do. I guess I'm forcing myself to come to terms with med. (just for everybody's sake) I don't feel anything!!! I don't even know what I want to do! I want this all to go away.