just after midnight

Well.. I can't sleep... I'm haunted again by thoughts of med school. Should i go back or shouldn't i? I feel that since I was "programmed" to be a doctor... I should... but since I'm totally not sure if I want to be one then I shouldn't. I should look at the other possibilities first, right? It seems that as much as I try to forget the life I left behind... I can't. Everyone seems to have the idea that they should encourage me to go back... Don't get me wrong... I think its fine... but why can't people just accept it!!

My mom went to my tita's birthday dinner. This aunt of mine is a doctor... and is the mother of my former room mate in med school. I didn't go to the dinner for the sole reason that I didn't want to see any of them. She told my mom who told me that she wants to talk to me... classic example of someone who wants me to go back. I really appreciate it but some things I have to do on my own... I'll never realise if I want something really really bad if I don't let it go... That's when I'll realise how valuabe it is.

Still I cry at night whenever I think about it... I just wish I could get a job soon enough so that I wouldn't have to persecute myself by thinking about it all the time. Its actually the uncertainty of my future that worries me. I don't know what to take... there are so many choices that it confuses me more. There's med school... or maybe an MBA or maybe an MPH... or maybe a PhD. Its the fact that I only have the opportunity to stick to one and the fear that if I stick with one I might not like what I'll end up being. So I turn to God who will show me the way...

I can't wait to see what I'll end up as... I wonder what i'll be 10 years from now... That's a long way to go...