choosy choosy...

My dad told me before that i can choose any path i want and they'll be behind me... cheering me on. The problem is, i can't seem to choose a path. First, I have to think of what is really interesting to me. I can't seem to find any! They are all interesting. Now that Im out of school and looking for a job, I'm getting more confused that ever! Ever since I was a kid I felt that I was programmed to want to be a doctor.... Everyone around me said that. When I got in med school, it shocked me that because I accepted all they were saying... I didn't even think of asking myself if I really want it. If this is what I really like. Now that I know it may not be for me... I'm confused. The plan that I've been carrying with me was lost... And its so hard to let go of the old one and think of a new one. Still I know that if I don't want to go on with the first... I have to think of a plan B.

Change... sometimes its my best friend... now its my worst enemy. Its so hard to let go of the fact that all your life you accepted something and planned for it only to realize that its wasn't for you. I'm not sure if I have completely let go of the medical field... I just know that right now... I dread thinking about it... That's what really stopped from pressing on... How can you like something and dread it at the same time? That didn't seem right to me. Now... I'm just starting to think of things that I really like but no concrete thoughts have come to mind. I'm lost and it scares me because I have never felt like this before. I know that there are so many people around me who love me and will always be there for me and I thank God for them but it doesn't make me feel any better because they can't choose what I like for me (exactly what happened to me with the medical scene) because I have to make that decision myself. I have never been the type of person who didn't have a plan... All my life I had a plan... Especially with what I'm going to do and what I will be. Now that I realized that my first plan wasn't for me because of the fact that I let others do the desion for me and I swallowed everything they said not even thinking if this is what I really want. Maybe someday I would want to go back....

Right now, its just me and my thoughts... I pray everyday to ask God to help me realize what I was meant to do in His theater of life. Right now, I feel like I'm one of those people at the backstage waiting for my que. I hope I know soon so that I can begin to read my lines and get back on stage.